Sunday

Today I woke up to- what a quick wikipedia has revealed is- ‘racing brain syndrome’. It’s something that can be brought on by ADHD or anxiety disorder, but in my case is due to sleep deprivation, I think. My experience of it is snippets of dialogue and things being said that have no context, are nonsense, and follow one after the other very rapidly. At night sometimes when I’m lolling towards sleep and having the racing brain thing, I’ve been jolted back awake by a sudden, loud, clearly spoken voice, directed at me, as if someone jerked the volume up to full for a second. Just a word or two. I’ve no memory of which words specifically. That’s been fairly terrifying when it’s happened. But also interesting. Not boring in any case. A little thrill. Maybe I’m going to go full-blown batshit crazy and ‘come to believe things that aren’t true’, to quote the pretty chilling description of schizophrenia on wikipedia. Nah, I don’t think so though, thank God. I’m just a common, or garden, variety dickhead who has a bit of insomnia.

After I woke up I got a bowl of fruit and fibre and returned to bed to read my magazine for a while- ‘Wired’ magazine, which I haven’t bought in years. I read about how the google driverless car has been tested on a couple of million kilometers of public road and has been involved in only 14 accidents, all of which were the fault of the human driver at the wheel of the other car. The guy concluded that driverless trucks won’t just be common in a few years, but will be a requirement by law. Awesome. I got up finally at 12.05 and checked to see what time the gym class I wanted to go to was on. It was to start at 12.30. I quickly ate a banana, had a Gentleman’s shower- bar of soap to the armpits- and got into my gym kit. I drove three or four minutes to the gym (because an uphill jog on the way back would be unpleasant after a class) and headed in the direction of ‘studio 4’ where the class was being held. I’m constantly worried, trying out these classes, that it’s going to be just me and a roomful of yummy mummies or something, once I turn up. But thankfully I spied a healthy mix of men and woman through the glass door of the studio before I entered. The class had already begun the warm up so I took a few paces into the room and joined in, as you do. It turned out to be a tough sessionĀ and I think the guy pushed us too much towards the end. I was pulling huffy faces at the stuff he was making us do in the last ten minutes, even after we’d completed the class proper. I’m not a believer in going so hard that you can do nothing but collapse onto your back in a pool of sweat after. That’s how people drop dead at the end of marathons, taxing their central nervous system too hard, or something. I regretted the huffy faces afterwards though, I must have looked like a right asshole.

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Needs Fixin

gut

This is me and a survey of my weird gut across five photos. I think the endless amount of squat I’ve been doing this year has given me a stronger stomach, as squat does (because it calls on the stomach), but it’s also made it protrude. I’ve looked it up and big time weightlifters call this a turtle-shell stomach. As a skinny kind of guy I really can’t be dealing with the combo of thin shoulders and a big gut poking out. So I may have to quit squat, which is heartbreaking, because my legs need it and because it’s the only thing I really liked doing anymore in the gym, and I was making good progress with the weight.

In the first photo I’m standing in my normal posture, hunched. I should straighten up, I look better when I do. My damn abdomen feels like it’s sitting about five foot in front of me when I pull my shoulders back though. Plus, although that posture looks normal in the photos, it felt ridiculous pulling it. Even in my hunched posture the stomach is there a bit. Sometimes it’s not there, like in the second photo, depending on when the air is in me I think. But then the third photo shows what can begin to happen, and the fourth photo across is gut armageddon. That just won’t do, even if it happens only now and then. The fifth photo is at the end of exhaling all the air out of me and relaxing completely. It shows I have some fat around there which I was thinking might have been contributing to the whole thing. I’m still not 100% sure what the deal is. The fourth photo suggests there’s some development that happened that isn’t too nice. My plan is to eat really well for a while, do lower ab work and stretching in the gym, and, frustratingly, cut out the squat and abandon my progress there. I’ll try that for three weeks starting today and see how I feel.