An Odd Trio

In response to the daily post’s writing prompt An Odd Trio

Today, you can write about whatever you what — but your post must include, in whatever role you see fit, a cat, a bowl of soup, and a beach towel.

I’ve considered the possibility of getting a cat. I’ve come to realise that I wouldn’t like to live with a dog. All a dog really wants to do, in its heart of hearts, is put on a gilet and go rowing. But I just want to slink around the house mostly, so it wouldn’t work. I’d spook the creature out. I’d feel like an abuser. A cat would be much better suited. Me and the cat, being wee resentful dicks together. Soup I’m not a fan of at all. It’s actually surprising how awful it is in every regard. There are so many reasons to dislike it: It’s very often the consistency of diarrhea, I scald my mouth every time I have it, this old man I know dribbles it down his chin onto his big gut and doesn’t notice, I’ve sickened myself once or twice on the gloopy tinned tomato version, the metal spoon feels unfriendly in my mouth when there’s only liquid soup on it, the grim, depressed-person spectacle of pressing down on the surface of the soup and watching it flood the spoon, when you get a bit of bread like sodden tissue paper on a spoonful, the fact that it’s associated with hospitals and old people’s homes. It’s just a nightmare foodstuff! It’s profoundly terrible. As far as beach towels go, I own one which I bought in Malta in 2007 when I went on a holiday there with my friends. It’s black with a depiction of a big yellow bus and the words ‘Malta Bus’. They had these rickety old ex-American school buses running around the dusty roads there, with the interiors covered in rosary beads and other Catholic jumble. I’ve had a good long run with that towel, very fond of it.

Re: Paris attacks- Fucking psychotic fascists. I’m done listening seriously to talk of ‘faith’, of any kind. There’s nothing to understand. Richard Dawkins’ twitter feed has been the best thing to be looking at in the past few days, for me.



Date fell through

She was agreeing to go for a drink or whatever but she was taking a really long time to get back to texts. 24hrs twice in a row, and the first time was during a Sunday. If she’s like that at the getting to know you stage, I think she’d fuck with my head properly by the time we were in a relationship.

I was quite pleased with the series of texts by which I ‘dumped’ her, and in fact lay awake repeating them into myself, savouring the sweet victory a bit, before I drifted to sleep. I definitely won:

Me: No idea what your problem is not replying, but it’s most definitely your problem. Forget it.

Her: Actually had a v busy day in work then come home to find my puppy had swallowed a bottle top so emergency visit to vets been a v stressful day and only now getting a second to answer your text but glad I got to see your really not my kinda person!!

Me: I knew you’d say something like that. Get a grip, you could have replied after breakfast, at lunch, whenever. You did the same yesterday btw which was a Sunday. It’s just inconsiderate. I’d say it’s best for me too to let it go.

Her: Feck off u asshole u obviously hav never hadda puppy/ a life I don’t spend mine glued to my phone!!

Me: Ok.

She was a visitor from other bars to a bar that I would tend to go to. I don’t think we would have had anything in common anyway. She was obviously big into her puppy (‘Pippa’) which would melt anyone’s head.

I think her final text she held back from being outright nasty- feck instead of fuck, asshole isn’t the harshest insult and even confers some esteem on the recipient, that you’re actually someone who’s capable of causing harm. She might also have used Prick or Cunt, but it would have stung if she’d said Knob or Fanny (not a threat- ignorant, unaware, uninformed). And she went easy on the no life thing by also saying no puppy obviously.

‘I don’t spend mine glued to my phone!!’ is the closest she got to calling me a loser. That’s a powerful weapon women have against men, or rather that women have against me. Because it’s mostly all for them, all my efforts. If they unleash the loser bit convincingly it’s crushing.

I wonder why she didn’t go to town on me. Either she was still a little keen and thought this situation might be resolved yet. Or her confidence is low and she was worried about the possibility of me hurting her in return. My gut says she sounds like a wee bit of a cunt, it’s no great loss.