Sunday

Today I woke up to- what a quick wikipedia has revealed is- ‘racing brain syndrome’. It’s something that can be brought on by ADHD or anxiety disorder, but in my case is due to sleep deprivation, I think. My experience of it is snippets of dialogue and things being said that have no context, are nonsense, and follow one after the other very rapidly. At night sometimes when I’m lolling towards sleep and having the racing brain thing, I’ve been jolted back awake by a sudden, loud, clearly spoken voice, directed at me, as if someone jerked the volume up to full for a second. Just a word or two. I’ve no memory of which words specifically. That’s been fairly terrifying when it’s happened. But also interesting. Not boring in any case. A little thrill. Maybe I’m going to go full-blown batshit crazy and ‘come to believe things that aren’t true’, to quote the pretty chilling description of schizophrenia on wikipedia. Nah, I don’t think so though, thank God. I’m just a common, or garden, variety dickhead who has a bit of insomnia.

After I woke up I got a bowl of fruit and fibre and returned to bed to read my magazine for a while- ‘Wired’ magazine, which I haven’t bought in years. I read about how the google driverless car has been tested on a couple of million kilometers of public road and has been involved in only 14 accidents, all of which were the fault of the human driver at the wheel of the other car. The guy concluded that driverless trucks won’t just be common in a few years, but will be a requirement by law. Awesome. I got up finally at 12.05 and checked to see what time the gym class I wanted to go to was on. It was to start at 12.30. I quickly ate a banana, had a Gentleman’s shower- bar of soap to the armpits- and got into my gym kit. I drove three or four minutes to the gym (because an uphill jog on the way back would be unpleasant after a class) and headed in the direction of ‘studio 4’ where the class was being held. I’m constantly worried, trying out these classes, that it’s going to be just me and a roomful of yummy mummies or something, once I turn up. But thankfully I spied a healthy mix of men and woman through the glass door of the studio before I entered. The class had already begun the warm up so I took a few paces into the room and joined in, as you do. It turned out to be a tough sessionΒ and I think the guy pushed us too much towards the end. I was pulling huffy faces at the stuff he was making us do in the last ten minutes, even after we’d completed the class proper. I’m not a believer in going so hard that you can do nothing but collapse onto your back in a pool of sweat after. That’s how people drop dead at the end of marathons, taxing their central nervous system too hard, or something. I regretted the huffy faces afterwards though, I must have looked like a right asshole.

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46 thoughts on “Sunday

  1. I’ve actually experienced this before too and although I was diagnosed with ADHD once actually, I think my “episode” was also brought on by lack of sleep. I thought it was pretty scary… At any rate, another entertaining post! …I’m also impressed that you worked out so hard while being that exhausted already. Good for you.

    • I had a fair few hours sleep, just not as much as I’d like. So you only had the racing brain the once?- I’m getting it fairly frequently lately. Did you take anything for the ADHD? Do you still have it, do you think?

      • Well… I guess I wasn’t being entirely honest. I’ve had it happen more than once I suppose, but there was one time in particular that I remember – the worst time. It was when I was ten and they had just shown us an anti drug video in health class at school. I wondered I was high somehow but I had never done drugs. Haha! It was awful… Feeling that out of control of your own mind is very unpleasant. Anyway, again, I’m sorry you’re experiencing that… I might still have ADHD?? I’m not entirely sure. I was diagnosed with it in college. I’ve never been a “hyper” person in the way people seem to often imagine someone with ADHD, but I’ve had other traits like intense concentration mixed with a seeming lack of ability to concentrate… I don’t know though. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just more my personality than ADHD and the person diagnosing me even wondered if it was a correct diagnosis. I took Ritalin and Concerta and hated both of them. Ritalin made me feel a bit unpleasantly euphoric but it didn’t help with concentration and Concerta made me feel like I was going to jump out of my skin. Ha! I just sort of gave up at that point and tried to cope in other ways… πŸ™‚

      • The whole of life’s a mental disorder perhaps, with the amount of conditions there are. (I stole that quote from somewhere, but I think it’s funny!) But I have asked my doc about an ADHD diagnosis and they don’t do it so much here- you can’t get medications like ritalin or adderall (or concerta presumably though I’ve never heard of that one). But it’s useful for me to have heard first hand that they are no good anyway, so thanks. They apparently send you off for a bit of cbt therapy over here instead…

  2. THAT was informative! I sleep very little. I often spook myself out seeing bug sized spots but I’ve just had those auditory hallucinations and I wasn’t quite sure what the heck was going on. Like you, no words..but you’d swear someone has just spoken. We seriously need to form a club. πŸ˜‰

      • I’ve had more trouble sleeping for the last six or seven years. Before that, I’d never had a problem.

        I seem to hear noises or shouts just as I’m about to fall asleep. Scared me the first time. It doesn’t always happen but there seems to be periods when I can count on it happening a few times a week.

        The visual hallucinations are really nothing more than small dark spots. It feels like I just missed seeing something properly…so I double check. The more tired I get, the bigger the spots become. My brain fills in what it could be… A bug, a mouse, a cat, a squirrel…etc. I don’t think about it now that I know what’s going on: fatigue!

    • Sigh… That quotation is funny and so true! πŸ™‚ I think for some people those drugs seem to help of course, but yeah, not for me. They do prescribe drugs more readily here from what I can gather, to be honest, or they used to at least… Although, I did have cbt too. For me, I just had to come to terms with the fact that I think differently than what easily fits into the structure provided by our culture… I’m just willfully non-conformist in the way my mind processes information etc. (not in a popular sense for better or worse) and the less I fight that the easier it is to work with. Hopefully that doesn’t sound obnoxiously pretentious or too abstract to be useful… πŸ™‚

  3. I wish I had a way to channel all of my “snippets,” and somehow be able to arrange them into meaningful things. Maybe there’s no real meaning in any of them, but having a grab bag of words and phrases that fly through my head might be fun to play with.

    • Hey, yeah- absolutely- they always seem quite compelling, the thoughts and images. if you could just hang on to them. Someone mentioned that it’s alpha state you’re in at that point, between being awake and asleep.

  4. I can do the same thing… Insomnia plus anxiety usually brings it on (and they usually go hand in hand when you’re talking about me). My own experience tends to be hyperaccelerated until I just have thought mulch. Props to you for managing a good workout though. Usually I smoke too much and practice the fine art of being cranky. Nothing like a good walk to work the bugs out though.

    • Yeah there’s definitely a bit of anxiety going on. Wow lol, the thought mulch sounds extra intense. The difference in our experiences of it is interesting- thanks for telling. I smoke my e-cig and am also cranky, but peace of mind demands I get exercise in.

  5. That sounds terrifying. I have ADHD and have trouble sleeping, and during periods of long sleep deprivation, when I’m finally able to start to wind down and lull to sleep, I hear music or people talking, almost muffled. It’s so weird and slightly scary, but nothing compared to what you’ve described. Sounds scary.

  6. I read a blurb about how the Google cars are “too safe” in that they don’t detect the errors of humans so that causes accidents, too.
    Also, I experience the same thing before I fall asleep sometimes. It’s a bit unsettling.

  7. I drink a lot, so most of the time I fall asleep easily and quickly (via a book). I’ve been cutting back lately, and have been reminded of why I like booze as a sleep-inducer!

    I see fast-morphing faces, usually hideous. I can also have what feels like watching TV or a movie – I describe it this way because they make sense, unlike my dreams. My dreams are outright crazy. I have a history of sleep-talking (only walked once that I know of), and flail about and shout most nights.

    I am always surprised when the cats decide to sleep on me, knowing I might hi-kick them into the air at any moment!

  8. That sounds about right for me, too. I like going to spin class because the workout is so intense and the music is full throttle that it’s loud enough to drown out my thoughts. My hearing will be shot in like 5-10 years because I blast music so loudly. My doctor knows I have anxiety and thinks potentially ADHD. Could relate a lot, thanks for the post

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