Kitchen Cupboard



I thought for a bit of fun I’d do a post on the contents of my kitchen cupboard. Pretty pathetic, but I never claimed to be Ernest fucking Hemingway.

There’s some Uncle Ben’s boil in the bag rice at the top left. Uncle Ben is operating at the very top of his game right now. This stuff is amazing, much better than the own-brand alternative. Easily worth the extra pound.

Lots of tuna next to that. Lovely tuna, chicken of the sea. For lunch mostly.

Noodles, penne and linguine packs next. About the only proper meal I cook at the minute involves the noodles. Noodles with prawns and ginger and chilli’s. I used to use a lot of those stir in sauce tubs sitting in front of the pasta. Less so these days. What even is it? They just sit there at room temperature and don’t go off for a year. I’m suspicious of them now.

Below is a box of some ‘light’ popcorn, because I’m a complete woman. I’ve actually struggled with popcorn a bit since the scene in Arachnophobia where the big ignoramus couple sit down in their dressing gowns with a bowl of popcorn to watch Jeopardy, and as the guy dunks his hand in the bowl, with his eyes glued to the tv, a little black spider emerges from below the top layer to deliver it’s lethal bite. It’s just the spider being about the same weight and shape as a bit of popcorn that’s so shudder inducing to me.

Going left there’s some more tuna, then beans and some bargain tinned dinners for when I really can’t be bothered. Chicken Jalfrize and tinned meatballs. Pretty shameful. I have some chickpeas back there too. I got excited about chickpeas a couple of years ago but I’m over it.

On the bottom shelf there’s some bread sitting on top of some own-brand fruit and fiber cereal. The cereal has no fruit in it whatsoever! It’s just bran flakes. I put my hand in and scooped right to the bottom and all. I’m tempted to write a letter of complaint. I’ll have to get Kellogg’s next time, but that shit is seriously expensive. The bread sitting on top is this Northern Ireland’s own thing. It’s extremely doughy, like 200 calories a slice. It’s a real treat but as with the pasta sauce I’m wary.

The box with the green side is sea salt. Huge great shards of it. It’s great. You can almost eat it by itself. Then some vinegar next to that. I originally bought that vinegar to add to the bucket to mop my floor. The whole flat stank of vinegar for several days, so I’ve reverted to classic vinegar use- strictly food.

There are some spices and stuff next, renaissance man that I am. I’d very much recommend the coffee there- Nescafe Azera. It’s rich and creamy ‘barista style’ instant coffee. It’s fantastic. Who cares about coffee machines and what have you. Instant coffee would have blown your mind a few centuries ago. I’m happy enough with it. The white containers are some supplements for my joints- fish oil and ‘glucosamine hydrochloride and chondroitin’. Absolute bullshit. Do nothing in all likelihood. Rarely remember to take them. I sometimes leave them on the worktop to remind myself but if anyone is coming they go back in the cupboard, so it doesn’t look like a convalescent home.



19 thoughts on “Kitchen Cupboard

  1. You’re cupboard reminds me that I need to clean mine out! Not that it is filled with horrible things, just in general disarray. Also reminds me that I am an American and I have way more than I need and be thankful for that.

  2. “What even is it? They just sit there at room temperature and don’t go off for a year. I’m suspicious of them now.”

    LMAO. Genius. We should be suspicious! How does something that’s supposed to be made of vegetables survive more than two months without refrigeration? Madness. I’ve found tomatoes that have been neglected for a week and a half and they looked like they were dissolving in acid.

    Really makes you think what industrial cleaning products they add to the recipe to keep it edible.

    • Cheers for the praise! I will have to have a look into that actually, what exactly the deal is with the ingredients. I suppose the food safety people in the UK wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me!

      • Food Safety advocates are the equivalent of Security Professionals in IT. Sure, we’ll let them write their reports and publish them, but if we need a product to go to market, we’ll ignore their concerns in the interest of getting a product out the door.

        When I first started out with my Naturopath, he asked me if I ever felt bloated. I asked him what bloated was; I thought that was something only girls complained about. When I really started tracking when my belly became distended, it was after eating out or eating processed foods. I actually began noticing that the bloating was a source of pain/anxiety!

        Since eliminating processed foods from my diet, my anxiety has virtually gone. In particular, he made me aware of the various incarnations of MSG that was the real killer. I didn’t realize how many synonyms the food industry created to hide it!

        Scary stuff, man. by making the link between eating processed/MSG-laden foods with the literal PAIN that they caused, it’s helped me to virtually eliminate them from my diet, except for the cheat days, of course.

  3. Hello and thanks for liking my recent post, you are my first like! I have just read about your nighmares, I have these also and they fascinate and exhaust me. In mine I am busy and scared and usually involved in some sort of chase/escape, this means I wake up exhausted and I am always very tired.
    I loved your kitchen cupboard review, it really made me laugh so thanks very much. I am glad you liked my post because I am going to enjoy reading yours.

  4. Thanks for visiting and liking one of my posts. I suspect that you speak pretty much the way you write and the thought of that makes your post even more amusing. I look forward to perusing the rest – thanks for the entertainment 🙂

  5. I love the bit about stashing away the Glucosamine when you have company. I do the same thing with my vitamins, and it takes me weeks to figure what I’m missing from my daily regime.

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